Fun Games

How many years have we waited to play "fun" games with our kids?  When Tessa and Boaz were younger we played... Hi ho Cherrieo, ABSeas, Candy Land and your whole assortment of really boring games.  Now with Lilly and Eli they have older siblings to play such games with and Tessa and Bo are ready for some fun games. We play Cadoo, and Uno, Cash Flow for Kids and games that actually take a little thought - I know still just a little.  But it's fun!  And I'm happy to be in this stage.  It's fun to take time during these Christmas days off to play with the kids... how blessed I am.!

Today is very close to Christmas, I love Christmas!  But for some reason I keep on thinking about spring and summer, flowers and BBQ's, camping and swimming, camp fires and s'mores, morning walks and berry picking.... ahhhh...... 

Fasting

Today I fasted.  Well just this morning really, I ate at noon.  But this morning I "felt" like I was supposed to "go without" breakfast and spend extra time in prayer.  My "time" with God was great!  Though I had moments where I felt quite gross because I was hungry, most of the morning was fine.  I talked to God, pleaded with God, read His words, cried and felt peace.  But at the end of the morning "nothing had happened."  I know that God doesn't work just because we do (magic formula enter here) and I know that He who knows all and sees all is working always, but I can't help but feel a little discouraged and let down.  

I know God uses kids to teach us so much and this morning was another example of that.  "Mighty God, faithful through the ages, Mighty God...." was going through Lilly's mind (and mouth) therefore it got to go through mine.  I know He is Mighty, I know He has good plans for me and I will trust Him.   

Four kids

It's funny really...  Sometimes I think that people get annoyed when I talk about life with four kids. Four kids are four kids.  It's three more than 1, double 2, and one more than 3.  

It is also half of 8.  I would quickly and readily agree that a home with eight kids, or seven or six or five.  Is totally different than mine.  Just a funny thing that I think about...

Another thing new here is that Dan and I gave ourselves a new video camera for pre-Christmas.  It had to come early for all the pre-Christmas things that we really want to have record of, but yes it is "the gift".  So merry Christmas to us!!  

It's crazy (again with the mentioning of four kids, maybe I do have a problem *smile*) with all these (I must say it) four kids I was so careful to get everything of Tessa and Bo's on video.  Then our camera kind of broke and felt really big so Lilly and Eli hardly have any of their baby hood recorded.  Eli is only three, but I almost believe that "it's too late." I know it's not, but I am excited to record all their memorable and not so memorable moments.  For them to see who they were and for me to be able to remember all these great moments that make up today!

We got our camera on the day of the Christmas home tour that I was a part of to raise money for missions.  So I was excited to walk around near the end of the day and video our home cleaner, and with more candles lit then ever before... clip by clip.  Well yesterday I decided to tidy up our memories and get them edited and on to a DVD.  Much to my horror, and Dan's amusement we found that I had about one second of each "scene."  I turned the camera OFF each time I wanted to record and ON for walking down hallways and stairs.  I guess colouring my hair dark didn't change the roots.  *smile*

Catching Up

I know it's been a really long time since I was last on here.  I have come through a time of feeling overwhelmed with life!  Which translates into not knowing how to even express it... In the last few months God has continued to stretch me and teach me new things.  

Who am I?  How do I treat people? Are they safe with me even when they aren't around me? This is what I want friends to be sure of.  That they don't have to wonder if I am talking about them in anything other than the most positive light possible.   Of course as I teach Tessa about friends, the old adage "if they talk about someone with you, they talk about you with someone else" is one life's biggest lessons.  I know that Tessa will go through pain with this, but I hope for her that she can learn it early.  

So now that one of my life lessons is out of the way.... I am so excited because my entry way is finally, almost done.  We are definitely one of those 80% people.  I would say at least Dan is one of those people, but really I know that I am too.  Now that life has developed a sort of rhythm we are trying to finish up the 20% of work that is not finished on our house.  Of course the basement is a whole different story.  :)  I am actually still amazed at the amount of work it all is.  But on the positive side, 80% is more than enough done to full enjoy the fruits of our (Dan's) labour.  We have enjoyed having people in and feeling like we can accommodate so much more than we used to.  Seeing that we usually have 3 or 4 or 5 times the number of kids to adults and they aren't all little people anymore it is wonderful and we are so glad that we did the additions.  

It kind of feels good to be back, talking to myself, putting thoughts down, not knowing if they'll be read, and being kind of glad about that..... 

Crazy Life!

How can life get so crazy?  I actually shouldn't even be doing this right now... 2 kids are in the shower (wow do they get dirty) the other two need a shower... Dan is possibly bringing over "new" neighbors so I should be obsessing about my house... and I worked all day...mostly on an order for 700+ blinds, but as a mom too... piano lessons for the big two and even took the little two to the park for an hour and a half.

So I had my moments of angst, but I really did have moments of joy today too.  Love Chris Tomlin and had him on in the van... makes my 14 minute drive to town a pleasure and an awsome worship time.  Love my husband who worked like a dog for me today...love my entryway :)  and am thankful for all the wonderful, stressful things in my life because they are where God has me at this time!

So I don't sound super spiritual, here's the dialogue sitting up to the table tonight.  Me "Am I kind of scary tonight?"  Bo "Ya!"  (I laugh, Dan laughs from the entryway) Bo "well you are..."  Of course I apologized.  Thank you Lord for giving us apologies.

Happy Mother's Day to Me!

Sunday was Mothers Day.  I had a good one.  It could not be about food this year as I am "on a cleanse" this is a good thing.  Somehow, all the celebrations in my life usually revolve around food.  This has not been the case for the last month and a half and mother's day was no different.  It was a little hard for the kids to not be able to bring me breakfast in bed, Tessa, bless her heart, loves to do this, but she brought me coffee and it was... well ok, black and reheated, but nice never the less.

My mother's day gift was what I have been asking for for the last few years... an under the sink composter with a charcoal filter!!!  Yay!  Really, I'm serious Yay!  I love to compost, but I hate the reek of rotting food in plastic under my sink, so this is great!

The other thing we did to celebrate was meet my sister and mom (and families) at the Devonian Gardens.  Note to self: don't go to the Devonian Gardens before the plants in my own yard have bloomed as we will just be looking at the same thing as what is in my own yard.  Nothing was even green yet.  Dan asked "what did you expect?"  

Then Dan brought me to a green house.... it was a good day.  I am thankful for my mother, Dan's mother, and the fact that I am a mother.... we are blessed.

Where did April go?

Ok.  I really can't believe it's been a month and a half since I did this.  Life is busy.  I thought it would be less busy with Dan around a little more, but of course the opposite is true.   Life is full and busy and really, I have much to be thankful for.  

Since I last wrote we also got a new puppy.  That has definately added many minutes/hours to my days... though I have to say he really is great!  We don't love our mornings so much as he is so hyper then.  But he is finally getting into the groove of family life, which is pretty good considering he is only 11 wks tomorrow.

A couple of weeks ago we had our Women's Leadership Retreat.  It was really great for me.  I was looking forward to it, but it also was another 24 hours away from home and I didn't feel like I had the time for it.  We had a fantastic prayer time and when the women gathered around to pray for me I asked them to pray for me to live in the here and now.  We read a book that called it "nowhere".  It's either No where or the Now here, depending on where you break the word up.  

I am still struggeling with it.  God does give peace when we ask for it though and that is what I want from him.  His peace, in family life, in marriage, in my work, in Dan's work.  But I want to live in each moment... to enjoy the 2 minute snuggle with my snotty nosed little boy, to enjoy a happy loud dinner with the family, to be in each second of "hanging with Dan or my friends".  Life will be far too short if I haven't really lived it because I've been thinking (worrying) about the future.... that may not even happen.  

The other thing I just learned is the fact that today... right now.... this is my only opportunity to "live abundantly".  Isn't that cool.  If it's a living thing it can't happen in the past and it can't happen somewhere in the future.  It's only available right now.... Moment by moment.... and that's what I really want to live abundantly!

Blog

Well, It's been almost a month since Dan's "last day".  Where has the time gone.  I can't believe that my last blog was almost a month ago and I was wondering what my life would look like now.  Now I wonder what my life will look like in six months.... isn't that the way it always goes?

Life has been full and busy and we are feeling blessed.  So that's a good thing.  God is proving himself faithful and Dan loves to do his work now.  We are getting the hang of this working from home thing.  Though I don't know how long realistically it will continue.  We are praying for the right office space at the right time at the right price.  (smile) Not asking much eh?

I can hear Eli snoring from the living room couch.  What a little man.  He hasn't been feeling well the last couple days and I so love his "need" to crawl up into my lap and just melt into me.  Dan was reading our devos. out loud to me this morning and Eli just crawled up and over and into his arms.  It made me tear up.  It was such a picture I want to remember of that little boy finding his way into the arms he wanted to feel around him, even though he was sort of being ignored, he didn't care he just wanted to be where he wanted to be.

No More Plan B

Today is Dan's last day of work for PennWest!  Wow!  I know we are just beginning a new part of our journey, but we are just ending one journey.  A journey that Dan began 16 years ago with he and his dad out for pie one Saturday when he was home for a weekend from Prairie.  Dan really had no idea what he was "going to be when he grew up" he wanted to be a hellecopter pilot, but I think knew that he didn't have the money to do it so was on to plan B from the get go.  His dad told him that he could be a gas plant operator:  he would be able to correspondence on his own and challenge the exams, they didn't have to work hard 75% of the time (they are essentially babysitters), he could likely get a job up in Fox Creek if he went about things right, and they made pretty good money.  So that was what began his career in oil and gas.  He worked hard at 18 and was essentially a mail boy/secretary (smile, he'd love that I'm saying this) but they got to know him and respect his hard work. He worked on his tickets on his own in the evenings and shortly before he turned 20 was hired on by Chevron as a power engineer.  

From there he has moved up in experience and seniority to the point that he is leaving as acting forman of the plant at Acheson.  He has been "acting" because they knew he was leaving them, to finally pursue a career that he is excited and passionate about.  No more plan B.  Now even though he was living plan b in his work life, it enabled us to live comfortably and we have enjoyed his shift work days with little ones and then have enjoyed his "regular shift too" we haven't been living a "plan B" life. 

My kids are home from school today and Dan is at his last day of work.  He won't really be doing any work. (Smile) He is trying to stay out of everyone elses way so they can work, they'll take him out for lunch and then he'll come home.  The kids are so excited!  They are busy "cleaning up" so we can decorate to celebrate with Dan when he gets home.  We are all excited for this next section of the journey that God is leading us in.

Dogs

For months before Dan and I got married whenever Dan and I would talk (we lived in different towns) or when we would see each other Dan would just randomly say "SURPRISE!"  It drove me nuts... but I loved it of course too.  My "Surprise!" was our dog Buddy who we had for 11 1/2 years.  He was my wedding present from Dan and we had him our whole marriage until this fall.  He was a great low maintenance dog for a growing family who, since having kids, really didn't have much time for an overly needy dog.  He knew his place was on the floor and was happiest there, could wait 12 hours (we didn't do that often) to go outside if we ended up having a long day away from home, he'd "walk" himself when we were camping (we just attached his leash, or not, and let him go out first thing in the morning while we continued to sleep) and was just a great dog who was oh so cute.  He was truly a member of the family and I miss him still.  

People are sometimes surprised that we don't have a dog yet, because we are totally dog people, but after you have loved and lost (to death) a dog, replacing it is not the first thing you want to do.  The grieving process was actually much longer than I thought it would be and I still tear up when certain things about Buddy come to mind.  That said we have begun our search for our next dog.

Yesterday I spent some time on Kijiji and it is going to be so hard to know which would be right.  I don't want to be stuck to a certain breed, just the right temperment.  We thought for awhile that we would go the outside dog route, but I know it would just end up back in the house and then we would have a hairy, inside dog.  So, inside it will be.  The kids can hardly wait and you know, I'm really excited too!  The only one we have to get on board now is Dan.  Of course knowing that he'll be home a lot more during the day in a week definately helps me be excited because I know I won't be the only one to be running the dog to the bush to house train.  (Didn't I just do my last kid?)  

Hope and a Future

So Dan resigned from his wonderfully "safe" good paying job last week.  He has another week to go and then he is done there.  I am so ready for this, and I'm not really sure why, I can only say "it's a God thing."

Last spring... probably May... Dan and I were doing our chat-in-the-evening on the couch thing and he "dumped" on me.  All at once I heard that his work, that had actually just changed a few months before to no longer be shift work, was terrible.  He was tired of the stress and responsibility that comes with having men work under you working with poisonous gas etc.  We had realized the summer before that Dan felt a restlessness to do something new, but I had hoped that his new job, with new responsibility would be just what he needed.  It was not.

The next day, I was at the kids school for something, trying to wear my brave, happy face when I finally broke down with a couple of friends and told them my story.  It's funny because now I wonder why I was crying... but I know at the time it felt like my world was ending.  Dan was going to begin actively looking for his own business.  He had an idea what he wanted to do, but to me it was just to be a hobby not a job, I had been dismissing it for at least 6 months (maybe even longer) as a viable option.  Anyway, back at the school... these two women told me many things and prayed with me.  God placed me with two women who had actually walked in my shoes not long before.  Both of their husbands are self-employed and both left jobs that to some it would seem strange to leave.  Some of the words they said that God still uses to encourage me are: "God will not waste anything... he will use this time."  "God sees you," "Trust God," "Trust Dan, you know he will not plunge into anything without having prayed and done his homework."  The overall feeling that they left me with was that God would provide for Dan and for our family. I was still scared... totally scared, but I was open to where God was going to lead us.

Less than a month later, Dan was offered to be mentored and trained, by a man and his team that is so super smart.  God has blessed them and he has done amazingly.  Wow God!  He gets to do the very thing he had wanted to do for a long time. 

In August (after a couple of months of initial training) Dan began to actively work.  Now six months later he continues with his learning, he is being mentored and prayed for, he has all the support he could ask for, yet he is his own boss.  He has his own clients and is loving what he is doing.  It is exactly what we were hoping and praying for.  

Many verses have encouraged me on this journey of resigning one job to begin the journey of self-employment. One of my favourite is Jeremiah 28:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to proper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Will I be scared next Monday when Dan's alarm doesn't go off half an hour before mine?  Probably... but I do know that with my God I do have hope and a future.

It's Magic!

Two days ago we got home from our family holiday in Florida. The six of us and Papa and Nana (Dan's parents) were away for 11 days. We had a very full and fun trip and it will probably take me a few days to get out all of the thoughts that I had about it all.

Our first day was spent at "The Holy Land Experience". Do I recommend it? Hmmm.... some great parts..... but for $180 to get us in for a few hours (it's not really a spend a day there kind of place, it's much smaller than the other parks we went to) I say go with low expectations then you will be pleasantly surprised! (smile) Nana enjoyed it, it was her surprise, so that was the main thing.

The next day we went to Disney's "Magic Kingdom" We had a great time! I had done lots of preparation and had a schedual to follow to get to the best rides, for us, in the shortest lines. The research did pay off when my entourage would work with me. (smile)

Bo and I rode "Peter Pan" together... it's a little ship suspended in the air so beneath you and around you are all the scenes from the movie.... Bo says "How are we flying" looking everywhere below and around us, not above where the track we were on is... I said... "it's magic!" Ah the wonder of a child.

Lilly was a princess... the "cast members" that's what they call the staff, are amazing there. They always called her "princess" or "Belle" she was in heaven. Wow does that girl love to shop... it's amazing... and of course Nana was her perfect partner.

Eli trooped along, loving what he could do, not minding at all when he and Nana got to sit for a bit and snack while the rest of us were on a ride.

Tessa my girl who just seems to grow up a little more each day. She came on all the rides, even the ones that scared her, other than "Space Mountain." Which "Space Mountain" is so fast, and dark that I was glad that she wasn't with us. She came on Everest, Splash Mountain, Thunder Mountain and Dinosouar (actaully all of them but Eli came on Dinosaur, it was really scary... oops!)

Dan, my amazing husband.... he carried the back pack full of juice boxes, water and snacks.... it was very heavy... and he carried Eli, when Lilly needed a break and rode in the stroller. He's Buff!

$31

We are going to Florida!  A week from right now we'll hopefully be boarding the plane.  When Dan and I planned this trip, many moons ago we knew it would cost a lot.  There are a lot of us.  It helps that we booked plane tickets (which were free other than the taxes) in September, then booked and paid for our condo also in the fall, not long ago we paid for park passes.  So of course it has cost us money already, but it's kind of spread out so you feel like "it's ok, we'll be fine."  The funny thing is that even though I kind of swallow and think "that sucks" the money for the "big stuff" doesn't seem so bad.  

A friend told me that she thought that strollers were free to borrow at Disney.  I thought "as if" but it gave me a spark of hope so I checked it out.... $31 a day, US, to rent a double stroller.   AGH!  For some reason this bothers me more than just about anything else.  It is $15 for a single.  It just seems crazy doesn' it?  So....we will still be bringing a stroller, and hope that Lilly's legs feel strong!

Satan's Bait

I have a great mom!  She is many of the things that I hope to be.  She is a prayer warrior, an encourager, commited to her husband, (my dad) but most of all she loves God.  We often have morning chats about each of our lives and the struggles and joys of the day.   She will pray for me... not just say she will.... but do it right then.  

Anyway, today as we ended our conversation I told her about a good friend of mine's wise words.... I month or so ago this friend told me about issues in her church, which involved her.... messy... but then she wisely said  "I can either take Satan's Bait or not, I can choose to take the offence, or not.  It's my choice."     

It has really stuck with me, when I am hurt... intentionally or not.  Will I choose to fall into satan's trap, to take the offence is falling into the trap that he has laid out.  As I journey through this life I need to be able to make as many excuses for my "offender" as I make for myself. It's hard for me, my mom often told me as a teen, "you need thicker skin."  It's so easy to read into situations that are difficult and make them even worse, by my assumptions and by taking that offence.  My prayer is to never take the bait. By the way.... my friend, she chose not to take the bait.

Tessa's Birthday

December my oldest turned nine.  The last single digit age.  (smile)  She is quite a grown up little girl, who isn't into toys at all... unless they are electronic.... so presents for her are always a challenge.  Tessa moved into the guest room in September so that Dan and I could use an upstairs bedroom for an office, which is just about the best thing that we have done in this house.  Anyway, the room was not her... it had brown pony walls and "grown up" bedding.  The ceiling was wood boards in their natural state therefore brown, and the whole room was kind of brown.  Not nine year old girl cool by any means and really the only room in our house that we are using that had not got any attention yet.  So Tessa requested a "new room."

Tessa slept in the old play room with all our junk which used to be in my "craft room" for the week and was not allowed in at all.  Dan drew the fun flowers etc. on the wall which he copied from the lamp shade that we picked up at Ikea and I painted them in.  She is very happy with her new room and even has closet doors now instead of a curtain.  It is still our guest room until the basement gets redone, but don't feel bad about booting her out, she's pretty proud of her beautiful room and doesn't really mind. 

Ruthless Trust

I am on the women's ministry leadership team at church.  This month we meet to have the "deeper life" aspect of our meetings.  Of course even though it is on multiple calendars that it is next week, I thought it was last night.  So as I drove the yucky roads and sent Dan and the kids off to AWANA and actually kept Dan from being able to work last night, I thought on "Ruthless Trust," the book by Brennan Manning we are reading.  

It is such a strange, yet wondeful feeling to get that I don't "get God."  That the control that I feel when life is good is fickle and not true.  Chapter 5 Thinking Big  Pg. 63-64  "The same judgement is passed on the illusion of control.  When life is tranquil, relationships intact, finances secure, and physical health flourishing; when the enemy is not at the gate; when the war drums are not rattling; when the Calvin Klein perfume advertisement for Eternity for Men seems plausible- then a sense of complacency, self-sufficiency and personal command of one's destiny deludes and lulls us.  Pg 65  However, a fleeting, incomplete glimpse of God's back-the obscure yet real, penatrating and transforming experience of his incomparable glory-awakens a dormant trust.  Something is affot in the universe; Somone filled with transcendent brightness, wisdom, ingenuity, and power and goodness is about.  In the face of over-whelming evidence to the contrary, somewhere deep down a Voice whispers, "All is well, and all will be well."  

"All is well, and all will be well."  

Tools of a Happy Marriage?

I love living in the country.  I actually grew up in a small town and loved it too and still miss aspects of it.  Three Hills was a lovely little bubble.  It was very safe, and my parents were quite relaxed, so as kids we felt like we had the run of the town.  In elementary school, even early elementry I would walk to and from whatever I needed to go to.  I'd ride my bike to the out door pool and swim by myself, or walk to the ice rinks to skate.  Can you imagine that now?  I'd go play at the Prairie dump/railroad tracks, which wasn't for actual garbage, just the big stuff, old cars, fridges, very fun stuff really.  We would stop at the Pop Shop for candy then play and imagine the day away.  I very rarely remember getting in trouble for being gone too long.  Now that I'm a mom I can only imagine.... how amazing to be able to give your kids that kind of freedom.  

Ok back to living in the country... love it!  Can't imagine being anywhere else, however the snow on roads sucks in the winter.  Yesterday I needed to take Eli to the doctor, I knew the roads were bad so I even left early, which is amazing for me, and good thing I did as I got "stuck" in the driveway. Ok not so stuck that I didn't eventually get out, but defiately delayed.  Grrr..... So do the doctor thing, groceries etc.  Drive home to unload kids and groceries and I can't even get up the driveway.  I love my husband dearly, and learned from my mother not to be the yelling angry sort of person, and it's a great thing.  Anyway, I was a little angry and a little yelly.  No he wasn't there, but 2 of his kids were.  Thankfully when I call him DANIEL the little ones don't really know who I'm talking about.... "who's that?" they said.

Yes I got out, 5 hours later, after hiking my groceries in a few trips back and forth to the house.  I'm sure the neighbors enjoyed driving by and chuckling and yes, Dan knew I was miffed at him.  His fault?  Not really, he's a very busy guy and though he might have squeezed it in the night before he informed me later that because freezing rain had been predicted he didn't want a full skating rink for a driveway either.  

Apologies went all around and the neighbor lady next door assures me I just need snow tires now.... perhaps one of the tools of a happy marriage?

No More Diapers!

Yesterday I moved the change table which has been a well used, much needed piece of furniture out of the bedroom.  Wow!  How can I be done with it "already".  I just heard Eli, my last, my baby, flush the toilet and run out of the bathroom.  Such a relief, but I also get a little lump in my throat, thinking about the fact that again, a chapter is ending in my life.  

Of course I didn't like 2 year old poopy diapers, but those new borns... I really didn't mind.  They needed me, and I loved them.  Will I miss poop smell lingering in my house... No!  But thank you God for the chance to have loved and cared for 4 babies, until they could do things for themselves.

Excited and Scared!

These days as Dan draws closer and closer to resigning from the "safe, secure, good paying" oil and gas field, I feel excited and oh so scared!  I feel frustrated that it has taken this long, the process began last June. I am excited to rely on God in a totally new way, since Dan and I got married he has always come home with a pay cheque.  Two or three a month.  We have had lovely bonuses, and he has done very well.  He was "promoted" up to Foreman a month or two ago even though they know he is planning on leaving.  They have asked him "what would it take for you to stay?"  To leave all that is scary!

But how do I tell my husband who has only cared and provided for me and our kids to not take a chance, to not step out with God, to not do what he LOVES.  It only took him 15 years to figure out what he wanted to do when he grew up.  I'm excited and I'm scared! 

One of the craziest things is that I feel embarassed sometimes that it hasn't happened yet.  People know that we have this plan so they ask, "how's it going" "when's D-day" it all feels like it should be done faster.  But, being in the financial world, what kind of a example would Dan be setting if he just up and left before he had reached his goals?  It just makes sense, then how crazy would it have been if he had quit shortly before Christmas when he was getting almost 2 weeks off.  Then how crazy to quit before we go on a holiday for 10 days at the end of the month.

I will choose to trust God!  For Him to do the work in Dan and in I that only He is able to do.  I can hardly believe that we are coming to the close of yet another chapter in our lives.  Again, I am excited and I am scared!

Happy New Year!

A new year! I always have to reminise about the past when I am blessed enough to be given a new year once again.  Time is such a funny thing and so many have talked about it before me, but yet I still can't help thinking that time is my biggest challenge in life and also one of my best friends. 

It takes me away from my dear old friends who I don't talk to nearly often enough, robs me of my newborn babies and adds those new lines that appear out of no where.  Time... ugh! But, it lets me enjoy chats with my oldest... she's nine!  Do you remember 9?  I sure do, and I love hearing her thoughts and opinions. She really is smart, especially about the things that matter, which makes my mother's heart sing!  Time lets me already have had 11 1/2 years of marriage to the same great man I began to love at the tender age of 15.  Time is so sweet.... 

Every New Year also reminds me of an old friend who battled with cancer starting in the 3rd grade and was finally released from pain and suffering New Years Eve my grade 9 year.  My classmates and I gathered to pray and "cry in the New Year"  It is still one of my most memorable ones.  I still often think of him, he was such an amazing example of child who rests in God.  I think of his parents, now that I am one, and wonder how they still must miss him although he's been gone almost 20 years I can only imagine the ache they still must feel.  

My goal for this New Year is pretty much the same as it is every New Year.... to embrace time- and all the things that come with that.  Live in today!  Enjoy my marriage that continues on from this point of 11 and a half years.  To enjoy my kids growing up, and to spend time with friends and family... as much as I can.  To remember that time is a gift, and really no one cares about the lines on my face, other than me.  (smile) Thank goodness!